Brad shares the best bonus scenes from the previous episode of Survivor: Island Of The Idols.

It is currently 8:37PM on a Sunday night. I need to get up for work at 5AM. I have not yet watched a single bonus clip this week. Given everything that happened this week, do we even want to engage in this exercise? Will I regret this decision? Let’s find out!

This Week In Secret Scenes

“I Averaged Two Minutes”

One bland but hot White guy meets another bland but hot White guy, something something, averages two minutes.

There is not much to say here. We get extra insight into the merge feast, but it is forced through the lens of Tommy and Dean’s first interaction. Why is that? Impossible to say. I couldn’t tell you why this particular interaction of the seventy-eight possible pairings was most significant. If you’re into spicy conspiracies, this meeting may have an impact on the endgame. If you’re into mild conspiracies, this could give some more evidence as to why Dean was more comfortable turning on Kellee after she saved him at the previous Tribal.

“Love U, Miss U, really Wanna Kiss U”

Deep exhale Thank god that’s what the name meant. I am always worried that merged tribe names are just gobbledygook words that the player think “sound Fijian.” Like seriously, Lumuwaku sounded more like “a White person’s best approximation of a Polynesian word” than an actual Fijian word. At worst, it sounds like something a writer’s room would make Hank Hill say as he was reading a Benihana menu at a business lunch where he’s trying to sell the regional manager propane and/or propane accessories for the hibachi.

But Lumuwaku is not Fijian. It is an acronym with sentimental significance for Jack, who proposed the name to Janet, Jamal, and Kellee. And looking back to last week, the narrative of Jack processing the loss of his father is continued here. For these reasons and for not just being a clumsy portmanteau, Lumuwaku enters the top … third? of merged tribe names. Normally I’d do some research and give you an actual number, but like I said, it’s late.

“What’s Your Breathing Patten?”

Ah, fuck. Fuckity fuck. Fuck.

This clip is a goddamn delight. AND IT’S RUINED BY THE CONTEXT OF THIS WEEK’S EPISODE. DAMMIT.

Janet and Elizabeth finally end up on the same tribe, and they connect right away in a way that only professional swimmers can. Talking about 2-counts and whatnot. The end which had not only with the cinematic of the aerial shot but twin confessionals of Janet and Elizabeth talking about how nice it was to finally meet and have a swim with someone you admire and respect.

It’s a feel good scene WHICH IS TARNISHED BY THE FACT THAT SEEING THESE TWO TOGETHER MAKES ME FEEL EXTREMELY BAD BECAUSE ELIZABETH DID JANET SO INCREDIBLY DIRTY, NOT JUST IN GAMEPLAY BUT LIKE OVERALL AS A PERSON, FUCK. OK, I’VE TURNED OFF THE BOLD, BUT CAPS LOCK IS STILL ON RIGHT NOW. DON’T CONFUSE THIS WITH ADAM-VOICE, I’M GENUINELY WORKED UP. FIGURE OUT HOW Y’ALL FEEL IN THE COMMENTS.

“That’s The Noura Society!”

It’s awfully cute that Noura thinks that this is a compelling part of her route to the million dollars. For what it’s worth, I commend Noura for being able to lighten the mood around camp. But then you consider how Noura is rarely included in strategic discussion and is overall not well-respected as a player by her tribemates. In light of this, it just seems like Noura is a goat you can tolerate/possibly enjoy being around as opposed to the unbearable asshole you’d have to put up with.

“What Do You Get When You Put A Puerto Rican And A Italian To Work?”

I have a feeling that by the end of the season, Rob and Sandra will have built a shelter that could function as a second Ponderosa. And it will all be torn down before the start of the next season. Just a damn shame.

This Week At Ponderosa

“I Look The Same”

Wow, Kellee is in a good mood. Like, a really good mood. Seeing Kellee enjoy her time at Ponderosa is alleviating to my anxiety about how she was processing her boot Tribal (but not cathartic; more penance must be extracted for catharsis to be reached). On another note, there is a revelation in this episode: fried rice is on the menu! My Survivor soulmate is the person who orders fried rice for their first meal at Ponderosa, which just confirms it. Me and Kellee: *extremely Tony Stark in IM3 voice* we’re connected.

“The Whole Grieving Process, I’m Done”

Well, it’s me, Kellee, and Jamal in a fried rice-soulmate threeway. I don’t make the rules. Also, 1:47 gives the cleanest look at the Ponderosa menu that I think we’ve ever gotten. In the hypothetical scenario where I play this game and am being boated back to Ponderosa, it’s going down with a plate of lobster fried rice, a burger with chips, presumably a bowl of pasta, and a caesar salad with chicken. Wanna avoid the ole del Campo Colon Block after all.

But I am enjoying seeing this particular trio of friends kick off the Ponderosa posse together. They have an open and grudge-free conversation about the game over dinner, and they genuinely enjoy each other’s company. We learn a few things: Jack works in a bakery, which explains how he made that cookie for Kellee last episode; Kellee’s idol play looks even worse in hindsight as she reveals that she was originally going to save Noura and boot Jack or Dean but then switched when the vote switched to Dean (indicating that she was only playing the idol because it was going to expire). What we don’t learn is how Jack reacted when he learned that Rob and Sandra were living on the Island of the Idols (another damn shame).

Also, a Jamal-Jack a cappella jam session begins at 7:15; let this inform how you watch this video.

And with that, it’s 10PM. Enough time to write and edit, not enough time to grab some gifs. Oh well, hopefully Wednesday doesn’t break our spirits entirely; maybe we’ll find out if I can make gifs then!