Brad shares the best bonus scenes from the previous episode of Survivor: Island Of The Idols.

Hello again. It’s been a while. I did about five of these posts last season, and I’ve done none up to this point in the season. The reason is the same for both: my source for videos went cold, and I was blocked from making gifs off of CBS’s website (which is also an open call to those of you who can stream off of Global; do you have the same problems? Are you able to make gifs? It would be awesome to bring that element back to these posts).

But with the start of Ponderosa, it feels like time to unearth this column. Plus, CBS is uploading four Secret Scenes each week! I mean, they’re not all winners. It’s impossible to get all winners in anything. But there’s four of them! So let’s kick it off and see how long we can keep this column afloat.

This Week In Secret Scenes

“You Have To Make It”

Okay, ignore Rob and Sandra for a second. Pause the video somewhere. That shelter? Rob built that. From scratch! I mean, Production gave them like burlap and hardware and stuff. But they built it! It’s not only amazing from a construction standpoint, but it also gives us a great moment of Rob saying “That was a pretty rough night, huh?” while sitting on a cot. An actual cot! There’s even a pillow on it! They have shelving! And a coffee drip! Saying that the elements are kicking your ass while in a shelter like that … well just compare it to the Lairo camp where the players are sleeping in the literal dirt. What would Rob and Sandra do if they had to actually play the game? (Not that this would happen again. But imagine if it did! We could get a whole season of their dynamic! But alas…)

“Eat Some Crabs Tonight”

Getting crabs on the beach in Fiji.

Fill in the blank here: _____________________________________________

Alright, let’s get real for a minute. I think we all need to have the space to process this bombshell from Jack: he was in a “hiphop R&B a cappella group in college.”

And you know, it’s an actual shame. We could’ve talked about the arrangement Jack chose for that song. We could’ve discussed how hunter/gatherer footage almost made it back to the edit.

But … a “hiphop R&B a cappella group in college.”

“What I Want Is Jamal Out”

Save yourself a minute: Noura wants Jamal gone, and Karishma wants Dean gone. Nothing new here. But this is where the post ends up when there are only four clips.

“Treemail!”

Tommy wants to win Immunity to avoid Tribal and last one more day. That’s it. That’s the clip.

I told you they’re not all winners.

This Week At Ponderosa

“Two Ice Creams And A Beer”

I realize now that Jack reminds me of a Kyle Mooney impression of a youth group counselor. And this is the Ponderosa where he eats. That’s pretty much all of it. There’s thirty seconds at the end where Jack discusses how he has grappled/is grappling with the death of his father, but that seems like it was tacked on without further development solely to keep this episode from becoming entirely about Jack’s meals. This Ponderosa has less meat than the pizza Jack ate, and it makes me wonder why they couldn’t dive deep into Jack’s story (which he was ready to share) or at the very least do the cooking segment that was teased in the open.

This Week With The Idols

I’d be lying if I said that the video spigot was entirely turned off. There have been clips each week, but until this point, it kinda wasn’t worth writing up a post for them. But since we’re back for now, here are all the scenes that you missed from Rob and Sandra.

“Daddy Loves You”

It’s unclear to me if Rob was teaching Sandra how to make kindling or doing it for the cameras. If it was the former, I guess it’s cool that even three-timers can learn something new. If it was the latter, how worried was Production that they wouldn’t have enough options for the final cut?

The other question I have is about Rob’s kids. Some of you might know their actual ages just by being up to date on the Mariano Family. But how old are Rob’s kids that they (1) will now recognize him on TV but (2) do not know that he has disappeared for over a month to film Survivor?

“All You Need If Fuel, Air, And A Spark”

Has Rob been doing this Survivor Basics videos every week? If so, he should be signing off with “and this is my Masterclass” or else what are we even doing here?

One thing that this video reminds me to bring up: why is it that every time we see a fire-making challenge, the players always go straight to the flint? Build your structure first! You want your tent of firewood set up around your nest of kindling so that as soon as the initial embers begin to burn, you can stick them straight into the structure and get the flame to grow.

Another underrated skill: sharpening knives. I’m positive that every player nowadays sets foot on the beach knowing how to strike a flint. But how many of them know how to keep their machete razor sharp? It’s something that both Survivor players and regular home cooks ought to know.

Any finally, what was Sandra talking about with that “If I’m in a fire-making challenge with Rob” comment? I mean, it’s a hypothetical, sure. But for Sandra and Rob to play again? On the same season? How would that even happen?

“I’m Just Going For A Row”

This is the kind of content I’m talking about. Rob hops on a raft and just heads out into the sea. Where is he going? No clue. What’s his objective? Well, he’s not fishing. This is just, as Rob puts it, an “exploratory adventure.” And it’s great. It shows what players do to break up the mundanity of camp life. And in this case, it also demonstrates the grand scale of the arena this game is played in. The aerial shot of a minuscule Massachusettsan speck against an entire canvas of blue is something else. And when Rob gets back, he does not have a “big-ass tuna” to show for his work, just sore-ass arms. In the end, this scene is inconsequential; it is anything but trivial.

I also want to say that as Rob begins rowing out, I am 70% sure that I can see a village on the opposite island. Like, I think there’s a visible telephone pole. We know that Fiji is not entirely uninhabited, so it’s cool to see instances where the blocking is slightly off and we’re able to see the signs of civilization.

“The Best Shelter That This Show Has Ever Seen”

So as established, we know that Rob has made a pretty dope shelter. We don’t really need to dig deeper into that. But my question here is, when is this sequence happening for Sandra? When will she get these cinematic shots, these flashbacks to her glory days? I know it can be challenging to gussy up drinking coffee and swearing around camp, but dammit, the most we got from Rob here was a 15-second reenactment of a Home Depot commercial. We didn’t even see his designing or executing the construction! Sandra should get twice as many of these scenes (one for each win). Justice for the Queen!