Taako From Teevhii shares the best bonus scenes from the previous episode of Survivor: Hockey vs. Handball vs. Horseshoes.

This Week In Secret Scenes

“I Can’t Be Like A Jealous Lover”

Jessica and Cole, Cole and Jess, yada yada yada. Let’s get into the real implications of this scene, which have only been hinted at thus far in our run. Dr. Mike sees Cole as a threat to his game because he wants to work with/is already working with Jessica. We can see this as an extension of last week where Jess and Dr. Mike tried to keep Cole in the dark about the idol that they had found together.

It’s not exactly a love triangle, but nonetheless this threesome is not in a stable position (phrasing). Jessica is more personally connected with Cole but strategically connected with Dr. Mike. Which one will win her loyalty? Might it be either and/or both? Will Dr. Mike make a move to take out Cole, or vice versa? I feel like there’s this whole Jess-Cole-Mike iceberg of a subplot, where we’ve seen parts of it above the surface of the final cut, but we’ve gotten nowhere close to seeing its entirety.

This Week In Confessionals

“He Toppled Like A Tree Trunk”

So the question of the week seems to be whether or not Cole was faking his fainting as a way of getting more food, which mean ole complainer Lauren was denying him. We have the tapes, so the event in question is well-documented. But it would be useful to get an expert opinion as evidence, and so we call Dr. Zahalsky to the stand.

Apparently Cole was babbling, not unlike a person having a seizure. Dr. Mike tells us that Cole took a HARD fall into the bamboo, and adds that Cole’s fall came directly after he had quickly stood up from his position lying down. If Cole was faking, he got every symptom right and probably took an unnecessary risk in whacking his head against the hard bamboo. It seems that in the professional opinions of Dr. Mike and Jessica, Cole’s collapse was no act.

But also, c’mon. We’re talking about Cole. Big, Stupid, Sexy Cole. The guy wouldn’t be able to plan a bank heist if the security guards deactivated the alarms, opened the vault, and left their keys in the front door on their way out. If Cole were able to fake fainting that well, he would’ve been smart enough to not tell both Ben and Lauren about Jess’s advantage (whether he’d be able to keep it himself is another thing entirely). At least he’ll soon be able pig out on the merge feast while telling someone about Mike’s idol in his oblivious, food-induced bliss.

“What’s Really Going On In Her Head”

I’m not going to discount the chance that Devon is not that perceptive, but most of what we’ve seen from him indicates that he’s more savvy than he appears. According to Devon, Desi is playing a pretty quiet game and is thus hard to read. She’s a good player and a nice person, but she’s even-keel and deliberate in everything that she does. Her poker face is on point.

So it might be likely that the reason we’ve seen almost nothing from Desi is that she’ll be gone in a few weeks. Another possibility: she’s Boatwright-ing. She’s deliberately giving her tribemates and the producers nothing because she’s playing that close to the vest. Is that likely? Let’s say probably not and hope that we’re wrong. But if we don’t have enough evidence to make any claim about Desi, then all scenarios are equally likely, right? Maybe?

“We Needed Something Like This”

“Ali and I just won flint, which cannot be eaten.” Okay, Ryan. You made me laugh with that one, I’ll give you that.

Here, Ryan claims that this pizza reward was necessary because it brought the tribe back together after the previous Tribal had created a divide between Ali and Ryan. Well, Ryan really created that divide himself, but semantics-schmemantics. It doesn’t really matter because the feel-good effect of this reward was a wash after Ryan booted Ali at the following Tribal anyway. This also raises the question: how is Ryan going to play his cutting Ali to Devon and Lauren? Will he lie and say he went to rocks against Chrissy? Will he say they tied, but he wanted to avoid rocks? Or will he own his move completely?

Also, Ryan says, “I was taking a lot of heat for being the biggest jackass on the face of the earth. Which isn’t true.” And he’s right. The guy he helped elect President is the biggest jackass on the planet.

“And Uh, Bottom Line Is This Game Is A Numbers Game, And Uh, If Your Number’s On Your Side And You’re Not Gettin’ A Vote, People Are Gonna Jump On Board With That”

This clip is submitted without comm—wait. Wait a second. Holy fucking shit, who’s feeding JP these lines? WHY IS HE DOING MATH CORRECTLY?!? Okay. OKAY. Okay. He’s talking about a “good ole girls club.” Not sure Ali’s a “good ole girl,” but okay. We’re back to normal. Whew, that was a close one. I thought JP was actually having a cogent, strategic confessional there. “Definitely can’t lose limelight of that.” Yup, no need to worry, y’all, everything’s under control.

This Week In Gifable Moments

When you don’t want to hurt the feelings of your friend because he’s trying his best, but seriously. It’s fucking funny.

When Pizza Hut insists that hot dogs in your crust is a good thing.