Meet the contestants of the Winners at War: War of the Winners Fantasy League

John

Welcome to WAW:WOW!

At long last, we are finally getting a season of all winners (and also Nick for some reason). If you kept up with last season’s fantasy posts, you may remember that the beloved Wimpy Little Non-Leaders League (nee Outcasts League) was officially dissolved. That happened partly because ADS was ready to give up being commissioner, but also because I wanted to bring you this- the Purple Rock Podcast Winners at War: War of the Winners Fantasy League, or the PRPWAW:WOWFL for short. We’ve invited some of our own fantasy league champions back for this exclusive league, and you can come back to see the results of the draft- complete with running commentary- on Wednesday.

So without further ado, please enjoy the player bios for the competitors of the WAW:WOW league. And please feel free to use the comments section to let us know which person we were fools- FOOLS!- not to invite to this league.

Adam B

Adam B is the Sandra of the Champions League, our only two-time winner. As if that weren’t enough, he also has an Outcasts League title. He is currently 9th all-time in points scored in the Champions League, with 188 points scored over four appearances.

Which Survivor winner are you most like?
Cochran

Which PRP staffer are you most like?
Matt

If you could have one comfort item with you for this draft, what would it be?
Wikipedia

What conspiracy theory do you actually believe?
Stacey Stillman was robbed.

What are you most proud of from your previous PRP fantasy game experience?
Won the game without making enemies.

Andy

Andy long ago retired from the fantasy league with one Champions League title to his name, but there was no way he could resist the opportunity to play again this season. He is currently the 5th-highest scorer ever in Champions League, with 215 points over four appearances.

Which Survivor winner are you most like?
Adam – Even if I fall into a victory by being the best of a group of undesirable choices, you can count on me to explain it all as though it were my plan all along. Don’t even bother trying to counterargue my points, because I’m ready to counter your counter with my most prodigious weapon: VOLUME.

Which PRP staffer are you most like?
Emma.

If you could have one comfort item with you for this draft, what would it be?
My dog-eared copy of The Boston Rob Rulebook: Strategies of Life by Robert C Mariano.

What conspiracy theory do you actually believe?
Is “Epstein didn’t kill himself” even a conspiracy theory at this point? Obviously it’s also a meme, but, I mean…

What are you most proud of from your previous PRP fantasy game experience?
You’d think it would be winning the league with a guy I gave a zero percent chance to win, or even retiring with an incredibly high success percentage. But no, it’s going the longest without losing anyone in the inaugural fantasy season (Caramoan), only to lose both of my players on the same night. That was magical.

Assistant Dragon Slayer

ADS won the opportunity to take over as commissioner of the Outcasts League, and used that opportunity to rename it the Wimpy Little Non-Leaders League. He also used that opportunity to win the league, which is a pretty solid use of that opportunity. Despite only one appearance in Champions League, his 56 points put him in 31st place all-time.

Which Survivor winner are you most like?
Denise

Which PRP staffer are you most like?
Properly considering this question is too much work.

If you could have one comfort item with you for this draft, what would it be?
A tarp disguised as a California flag.

What conspiracy theory do you actually believe?
The Stonecutters control the British Crown (and keep the metric system down).

What are you most proud of from your previous PRP fantasy game experience?
Winning the Wimpy Little Non-Leaders League two out of three seasons. Yes I’m the commissioner, why do you ask?

Barbara Anderson

Barbara won our Pick-4 league, got promoted to Champions League, and then won that as well- a stunning bit of witchcraft. She has made three appearances in the Champions League and currently sits in 8th place in all-time scoring there with 196 points.

Which Survivor winner are you most like?
JT. Both of us are farmers who won by a large margin but then crashed and burned in subsequent seasons.

Which PRP staffer are you most like?
The quiz results say Emma, but I know that deep down, I’m an Andy.

If you could have one comfort item with you for this draft, what would it be?
My witch senses. That way, I can correctly pick the winner and dominate the draft.

What conspiracy theory do you actually believe?
Rob and Sandra are not really living 24/7 on Island of the Idols.

What are you most proud of from your previous PRP fantasy game experience?
Essentially winning the MvGX Champions League by having the only intact team at the Zeke boot, which also happened to be my birthday.

Emma

Emma also won back-to-back leagues, taking the Outcasts League title before being moved up to Champions and winning that league as well. She later added a second Outcasts League title, and has appeared in Champions League a staggering seven times (which you would think was the record, but it is not). Over the course of those appearances, she managed to rack up 281 points, good enough for third place in the all-time standings.

Which Survivor winner are you most like?
Michele, because I don’t do much around here, but the commenters still love me. I would also need to be immune in the premerge to have a chance.

Oh, and Matt hates me.

Which PRP staffer are you most like?
Andy

If you could have one comfort item with you for this draft, what would it be?
Truth serum to make sure no one was secretly looking at spoilers.

What conspiracy theory do you actually believe?
Night school at Greendale Community College does not actually exist, it’s just a ploy to get more credits.

What are you most proud of from your previous PRP fantasy game experience?
Contrary to popular belief, I did not get Natalie Anderson on my SJDS team by default. Both twinnies were left and I actually looked at the tribe configurations, saw that Dale recognized them from TAR and seemed threatened, and chose to pick Natalie for that reason. Also all four players that led to my first two victories (Cagayan and SJDS) are on Season 40.

JerseyLuck

After winning the Pick-4 League, Jersey Luck went on to a strong run in the Champions League. In four seasons, he averaged an astonishing 76.25 points- the highest per-season average in Champions League history. His 305 points across those four seasons also puts him at second place in the all-time Champions League standings.

Which Survivor winner are you most like?
Michele because she is from New Jersey and she also got lucky with her win.

Which PRP staffer are you most like?
Andy

If you could have one comfort item with you for this draft, what would it be?
My dog. (Guys he is so cute.)

What conspiracy theory do you actually believe?
I believe in ghosts.

What are you most proud of from your previous PRP fantasy game experience?
Being able to defeat the witch, Barbara Anderson.

John

The original commissioner of the fantasy league, the all-time leader in Champions League points scored (335), and the all-time leader in Champions League appearances (8), John is a legend. Please quickly forget the part where he has just one Outcasts League title to his name.

Which Survivor winner are you most like?
Parvati, the Andy of Survivor.

Which PRP staffer are you most like?
Andy, the Parvati of the Purple Rock Podcast.

If you could have one comfort item with you for this draft, what would it be?
Parvati?

What conspiracy theory do you actually believe?
I believe that they threatened Woo’s life if he voted out Tony before final tribal council. I also believe it was justified.

What are you most proud of from your previous PRP fantasy game experience?
It was an honor to be the first person to draft the winner of the season and still somehow avoid winning the Champions League. Thanks for that, Michele- if you had been remotely competent at anything I’d be a Champions League winner.

Mark

Mark has the 7th-highest Champions League point total, with 198. He also has a Champions League victory to his name, and three appearances in the league.

Which Survivor winner are you most like?
Cochran

Which PRP staffer are you most like?
Taller Matt. No, the Emma Who Likes Flavor. Wait, I mean, Poorer John.

If you could have one comfort item with you for this draft, what would it be?
Foresight. (No glasses jokes, please.)

What conspiracy theory do you actually believe?
CBS faked the Survivor marooning.

What are you most proud of from your previous PRP fantasy game experience?
The time I picked 6 of the final 7 across Pick-4 and Champions on a whim. Or my Koah Rong performance based on the strategy of “nice people and the Georgian” (a strategy that has been only moderately successful since).

Matt

Matt has the 28th-highest Champions League point total (he scored 76 points over three appearances), but also he’s on staff and we were going to have to hear about it constantly if he wasn’t included. Matt also co-founded the league with John, won the inaugural Pick-4 league, and was commissioner of the Outcasts League for years. His win in the final Wimpy Little Non-Leaders League was the perfect ending to the league named after a quote from Matt’s favorite player.

Which Survivor winner are you most like?
Chris Underwood. No explanation necessary.

Which PRP staffer are you most like?
Andy. I can get loud too.

If you could have one comfort item with you for this draft, what would it be?
A pillow. I’ve had it for over a year and I’m very attached.

What conspiracy theory do you actually believe?
Stevie Wonder is not blind.

What are you most proud of from your previous PRP fantasy game experience?
Winning the first Pick 4 league.

Saturday Night Palsy

Like Emma, SNP has both a Champions League win and two Outcasts League titles to his name. He is in 17th place all-time in the Champions League standings, scoring 117 points over three appearances. Still, though: Fuck that guy!

Which Survivor winner are you most like?
I wanted to make a joke about being most like Parvati (which seems like a very Tyson move to make), but in all honesty, the winner ALL of us are most like is Chris Underwood because all we did was just show up on day one.

Which PRP staffer are you most like?
I’m better than each and every one of the PRP staffers because I’ve crushed them all in the fantasy leagues*. And it was easy. Like Sunday morning.

*except for Andy, but as a Canadian he was not allowed to compete at the time.

If you could have one comfort item with you for this draft, what would it be?
Just some useless trinket that means nothing to me, like a little wooden Purple Rock John head. Something that can sit by quietly and witness my brilliance.

What conspiracy theory do you actually believe?
Sometimes internet polls can be rigged. Sometimes the truth gets buried under fabricated numbers, and Lady Justice doesn’t prevail. People don’t believe that this occurs, but you let your guard down for a minute and along comes another rigged poll wandering in like a stray dog on a country road. I mean. I could go on for years about this so let’s pick another one: The NBA finals are fixed.

What are you most proud of from your previous PRP fantasy game experience?
I was the first Champions League winner not to have the actual game winner as one of their picks. What can I say–if nobody else is gonna challenge you, you have to challenge yourself. That’s the Palsy way. Maybe when I beat all of these other chumps in this draft I’ll have something else to be proud of, but I doubt it. The competition looks weak.

Are you wondering where you can see the all-time Champions League stats referenced repeatedly above? Check them out here: Champions League all-time stats